


Made, Not Found

by natsewaye



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Fallen Angels, Internal Conflict, It'll be a while but we'll get there, M/M, Music, Sad, Singing, Slow Burn, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25588690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsewaye/pseuds/natsewaye
Summary: In the Beginning, there was Love. But soon after came Music."If music be the food of love, play on." - William Shakespeare
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. The Morning Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've reached the point of quarantine where I'm actually getting back into writing. This idea has been bouncing around in my head for a while, so I decided to actually sit down and try fleshing it out. It's been about ten years since I've written any sort of fic, so please be constructive in your criticism.

Aziraphale’s soulmate had a beautiful voice.

It went without saying that all angels had beautiful voices, but Aziraphale had never heard another angel with a timbre as rich and lyrical as his beloved. Aziraphale was happy to sing with them, but moreover, he was happy simply to listen. The deep, soothing tones of his soulmate’s voice enveloped Aziraphale like a pair of wings, surrounding him with warmth and Love. Aziraphale sang back in a lilting tenor, their voices blending in a way that made Aziraphale swell with joy. They sang to each other, their song dancing and forever weaving into something wonderful and new.

They hadn’t yet met, but Aziraphale knew that his soulmate was perfect in the way that he knew God was Good.

* * *

_Where are you?_ Aziraphale hummed.

His soulmate hummed back. _If you can hear me, I am here._

_I want to see you._

_Not yet. I am making something for you._

_Can I see it?_

_Soon. It’s a surprise._

Aziraphale vibrated with delight. He had waited a long time to meet their soulmate—he could wait just a bit longer.

* * *

As a Principality, Aziraphale was to serve as a guardian. As his charges had not yet been created, he found contentment in collecting songs from the other angels while he waited.

Most of the song were about Love, which Aziraphale happily recited for his soulmate. The contented hums they responded with thrilled Aziraphale, who then composed those notes into their song, which became more intricate and wonderful each time they sang to one another.

Aziraphale could hardly wait to meet his beloved.

* * *

The cries of angels swirled around him in a nauseating discordance. Lucifer had already Fallen, but his followers were still dropping in slow motion, their Grace being stripped away at an agonizing pace.

Aziraphale’s throat and chest burned. Desperately, he reached out for his soulmate. _Where are you?_

He was met with silence. Another wave of tormented howling reached his ears and he curled into himself in an attempt to block out the sound. _Where are you?!_

_Aziraphale._

Aziraphale let out a gasp of relief. _Come to me._

_Aziraphale._

Their voice was all wrong, Aziraphale thought. There was a panicked edge to his soulmate’s voice, a tone of alarm that had never been there before. He cried out. _I’m afraid._

_If you can hear me, I am here._

_Keep singing_ , Aziraphale begged. _Don’t leave me._

_Aziraph—_

Pain and grief suddenly shocked into Aziraphale’s core as he felt something rip from the center of his very being. His eyes burned with unshed tears as he struggled to remain upright. A choked gasp left his throat as he doubled over, frantically trying to catch his breath.

Shrieks and howls of anguish echoed around him. Aziraphale felt faint as he struggled to draw in air, and then realized that the wailing he heard belonged to him.

But they were not his screams. They were his soulmate’s.

The cries that followed that revelation belonged to Aziraphale alone.

* * *

Michael’s song had changed.

It was known that Michael and Lucifer had been soulmates, but no one had entertained the thought that they’d still be bound together after the Fall.

Lucifer’s voice was charred and mangled, the words causing Michael to writhe and shriek in pain anytime he sang. Not that whatever Lucifer was doing could be called singing anymore—the former archangel’s voice had been scorched by the Fall, causing the once beautiful music he’d created to contort and blister.

Lucifer’s voice clashing with Michael’s screams echoed throughout Heaven, causing the other angels to flinch away in distress. The voices that had once completed one another created a raw and frightening dissonance.

After a while, Lucifer’s voice vanished. Michael was silent in the time that followed, not even responding non-verbally. It was hard to discern whether the silence was better or worse than the screaming.

* * *

Gabriel’s soulmate was also Fallen, as it turned out.

The horrendous buzzing sound that escaped him when he’d reached out nearly bowled him over as he retched, sending an unpleasant hum through the other angels, who by that point knew better than to ask or question. He isolated himself following his terrible discovery.

Aziraphale was troubled. Michael had made no effort to go after their brother—her face remained emotionless as Gabriel took off, and she merely went back to her duties. Heaven had become eerily silent, and Aziraphale wished more than anything for the pain and silence to go away.

He found Gabriel curled in on himself up in the stars. It was haunting, seeing the powerful archangel reduced to silent grief, drifting aimlessly in the dark.

Aziraphale hesitantly approached. _Gabriel—_

 _Go away_.

 _I just want to help_.

 _You can’t help this, Aziraphale_.

_But—_

_This is a test; don’t you get that?_ Gabriel’s wings unfurled, feathers quivering. _A test of faith. We are the faithful, Aziraphale._ His voice trembled. _There’s nothing to help, because we did nothing wrong. The ones who did are Fallen. Angels shouldn’t Love their soulmates more than Her._

The slightly manic tone in Gabriel’s voice rattled Aziraphale. _Your soulmate—_

 _My soulmate_ _worshiped me when they should have been worshiping Her_ , Gabriel snapped. _That was_ their _problem, not mine. I did nothing wrong._

 _But God wouldn’t create something just to destroy it, surely?_ Aziraphale asked desperately.

Gabriel gave him a dark look. _Your soulmate also liked to ask questions about the Great Plan, as I recall. Where are they now? You never shut up about them before._

Aziraphale recoiled, hurt. Gabriel wound back into himself. _Just go away, Aziraphale_.

Aziraphale watched Gabriel drift back into the stars, a bundle of angelic light that dulled the stars around him.

* * *

Aziraphale did not reach out to his soulmate in the time that followed. He’d assumed that his soulmate was dead—the tearing he’d felt in his being was their essence stripping away from him, their song snuffing out of existence. But Gabriel’s words had shaken him.

Part of him was scared that he wouldn’t hear a response if he reached out, but a larger part of him feared that he’d hear the same thing Michael and Gabriel had—and that thought frightened him more than anything.

He assumed that his soulmate was dead. But a small part of him wondered…and feared.

* * *

Eventually Aziraphale couldn’t take the silence anymore.

He took a breath before he could think too much about it, and quietly began to sing. The melody sounded slightly off without the accompaniment of his soulmate, but he kept singing; praying to hear something beautiful, terrified of hearing something horrific.

There was only silence.

Aziraphale wept in guilt-ridden relief.

* * *

Crawly jolted upright as the first few notes of a vaguely familiar melody left his mouth.

Most of Crawly’s memories of heaven had been scorched away during the Fall, but he had brief flashes of recollection every now and then: Creating the stars. Stories of Love. The animated, joyful voice of his soulmate.

He had been convinced that his soulmate had been another casualty of the Fall. He hadn’t heard their song since it had happened, so he’d simply assumed they were dead. He hadn’t entertained the thought that they might still be out there looking for him.

Singing for him.

Eagerly, he opened his mouth to sing back—except that nothing came out. Frowning, he tried again, to no avail. He growled in frustration, but his voice stubbornly refused to harmonize with or respond to the beautiful melody his soulmate was singing. A burning sensation crept into his throat as the psalm continued, as though he'd swallowed a hot stone. The burning sent a whisper of pain through his wings; an echo of the singeing they'd recently undergone.

He tried to sing back once more but ended up nearly choking over the notes, his voice tangling around words he could not say. He paused and realized that his soulmate had stopped singing as well. It didn't make sense - why hadn't he been able to sing back? He was a demon now, yes, but his voice still should've _worked_.

Except, he realized, his soulmate’s song hadn't been written for a demon's voice.

Crawly suddenly felt very cold. Of course. Any music created by angels was holy; the Song itself resonated with divinity. He couldn't respond in Song because he was no longer an angel. His soulmate would have no way of knowing that he was alive.

Then again, having a demon for a soulmate might very well make his beloved wish he'd perished in the Fall.

Crawly curled into himself and tried to muffle his despaired sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a reference to The Planets, Op. 32: 2. Venus, the Bringer of Peace, by Gustav Holst (1874-1934).


	2. Pastoral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our angel and demon meet. Everything's still sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life got a little crazy, but the six kudos and two comments left on the first chapter have inspired me. Please enjoy!

When Adam first sang for Eve and Eve harmonized perfectly with him, resentment crept into Aziraphale’s chest.

It was ridiculous, of course—music was one of God’s greatest gifts, and the humans were one of Her greatest creations. Moreover, Eve was created from Adam, so it made sense that their voices would be made for one another.

Still, it was difficult to ignore the pang of loneliness and—daresay envy, Aziraphale thought—that resulted.

_This is a test of faith_ , he reminded himself. Gabriel’s words became a mantra anytime Aziraphale felt doubt trickle into his consciousness. Aziraphale was Faithful. Aziraphale was Loyal.

Eve smiled as she sang with Adam, her eyes sparkling with joy. She looked so in love.

Aziraphale turned away, a burning sensation building in the corners of his eyes. He was Faithful.

But he was still alone.

* * *

Tempting the woman turned out to be far less difficult than he’d expected.

Crawly spoke to Eve in a lilting, amiable tone—not words so much as melodic impressions, giving her complete peace of mind as she pulled an apple from the tree to share with her husband. She took the first bite right then and there, then quickly turned to present her discovery with Adam. A low hum of satisfaction rumbled in Crawly’s chest. Mission accomplished.

A choked off sob suddenly worked its way up from his lungs. Crawly coughed, startled, and froze as he realized that the sound wasn’t his. Another whimper shuddered through him and Crawly coiled himself tightly, trying to swallow down the noise.

He still hadn’t figured out a way to communicate with his soulmate. That certainly didn’t stop his soulmate from trying to reach out to _him_ , though—the angel sang to Crawly every day in uneven intervals, always waiting for him to respond.

They had never cried like this before.

Instinctively Crawly tried to sing back, to soothe, and immediately cursed when his voice once again refused to comply. Frustrated and more than a little panicked, he tried again to no avail, coughing and sputtering around the wailing. His soulmate was _hurting_ , damn it, and Crawly couldn’t do a single thing about it.

His eyes burned. It wasn’t fucking _fair._

_Why did You let this happen?_ he snarled angrily at God.

Of course there was no answer.

* * *

Aziraphale startled as a musical phrase slipped out of him. His surprise quickly gave way to a spark of recognition followed by a burst of sheer joy: his soulmate, his _soulmate_ , was alive.

Jubilant, he started to sing with them until he realized that the song was not one he knew—it wasn’t the swirling blend of celestial melodies and harmonies they used to sing to each other. This sound was…different. Wrong. Frowning, he tried to sing along, but his voice stubbornly refused to harmonize. He cleared his throat; the not-quite-words continued to flow from his lips, leaving a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. The notes burnt his throat, clearly not meant for any angel to sing.

A memory of Michael screaming as Lucifer had sung to her flashed through his mind. Cold fear suddenly jolted through him. _No. No. No_.

Another slithery phrase made its way out of him and Aziraphale dropped his sword and sank to the ground, pulling his knees to his chest. _Please make them stop_ , he silently prayed, tears pricking the corners of his eyes as his breath left him in a shuddery sob. The strange hissing stopped almost immediately, and Aziraphale let out another whimper of guilty relief.

_This is just another test. A test of faith. That’s all._

Aziraphale managed to pull himself together after several minutes of weeping (minutes he later prayed forgiveness for). His soulmate remained silent as Aziraphale took several deep trembling breaths to steady himself before straightening and taking up his post at the gate.

Surely nothing else would go wrong.

* * *

The angel guarding the eastern gate was called Aziraphale.

Crawly was immediately intrigued by and envious of the angel’s name. It had an inherent musicality to it; something Crawly’s own name lacked. Aziraphale’s soulmate was lucky to have such a melodic name to compose with. Absently, Crawly wondered if it would be too forward to ask the angel who his soulmate was; their name was probably equally as beautiful as Aziraphale’s, he thought forlornly.

“Are you alright?” Aziraphale’s voice startled him out of his thoughts. “You’re mumbling.”

“Sorry—habit.” Crawly pulled his wings in self-consciously.

The first rain had let up after a while, and Crawly and Aziraphale had seated themselves on top of Eden’s east wall. Now that the humans had been banished from the Garden and Aziraphale himself was down a flaming sword, the angel’s charges as guardian seemed somewhat moot. He confessed to Crawly that he was expecting to be called back to Heaven (though he didn’t seem too thrilled about that, Crawly noted).

In the distance, Eve sang some nonsensical tune to Adam, who smiled and immediately answered back with a countermelody. Crawly’s chest ached with an acute loneliness. “Don’t see what the point of that is,” he muttered indignantly.

Aziraphale’s wings shifted. “They’re singing because they love each other.”

“But there’s nothing practical about it.” Crawly shook his head. “Seems more like it’d be a nuisance. One person sings, the other forced to join in…”

“Or sing back,” Aziraphale replied, a bit snippily. “Music is a form of Love. Though I suppose your lot wouldn’t know anything about that.”

Crawly coiled into himself, stung. “Care to elaborate?”

“Demons don’t feel Love. It’s just not in your nature, being unholy and all.”

“Tact certainly isn’t in _your_ nature,” Crawly muttered.

Aziraphale looked contrite. “I didn’t mean to be rude,” he backtracked. “Just honest.”

The two were silent for a moment, the only sound being the faint notes of Adam and Eve’s song. Aziraphale let out a sigh. “They sound lovely together,” he said wistfully.

“Eh. Better than the stuff they play downstairs, anyway.” Crawly shrugged. “Though, to be fair, that’s not a very high bar to begin with,” he added with a sardonic chuckle, sparing another glance at Aziraphale. A small smile twitched onto the angel’s face, and a thrum of delight zipped through Crawly. “Reckon it’s got nothing on your soulmate’s song, though, am I right?” he ventured.

It was the wrong thing to say—Aziraphale went pale, his expression crumpling as his wings trembled anxiously behind him. “Right,” he said thickly.

Something in Crawly’s throat squeezed uncomfortably. Aziraphale looked so _sad_. Hesitantly, Crawly reached out to gently brush his shoulder. “I didn’t mean to pry—”

The angel jerked away from the contact as though he’d been burned. He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I should go,” he mumbled, standing abruptly.

“Angel,” Crawly began, but Aziraphale was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a reference to the Pastoral Symphony, or Symphony No. 6 in F major, Op. 68, by Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827).
> 
> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this Hamilton fic: "Each Singing What Belongs to Him" by ashilrak (https://archiveofourown.org/works/7909924)
> 
> Which in turn is based off of this tumblr prompt which was originally posted by the-vashta-nerada: (http://berry-muffin.tumblr.com/post/90584916585/shannananan-the-vashta-nerada-you-know-how)
> 
> Idea/Prompt: Soulmate AU where the musicality of your voice resonates in yours and vice versa. In layman's terms: when you sing, your soulmate sings with you. There's also a fic floating around that I really enjoyed where Crowley can't say Aziraphale's name because it's holy, but I forgot the name of it, so I'll link it when I find it again. Basically, I was inspired by a lot of things in writing this fic.
> 
> I've also taken into consideration the research done on the musicality of infant cries & the natural musicality of the human voice, which is why certain elements such as crying and screaming also resonate through the soulmate bond. A loose explanation of that idea can be found on Wikipedia: (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolutionary_musicology.)
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


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